Friday, July 18, 2008

Passing the Test

Today Vic and I were visited in our home by the social worker we hired to determine if we would be suitable parents to our impending adoptive child. The "process" has been more than difficult for us since we were swindled by a charlatan lawyer over a year ago. He duped us into believing that we would be able to adopt a child from Italy from an agency called Amici de Bambino. What a racket! He stole $8k from us and it took the skills of a brassy local judge to shake the Brooks Brother clothed thief into reality, convincing him to return our hard earned cash. I'm sure this tool will be burning in hell with the rest of the rogue lawyers that plague the world. I'm not a fan of the profession...can you tell?

I'm not sure how I feel about anyone coming into our home asking personal questions regarding my emotional committment to my husband. Although she was extremely nice, professional and empathetic, I didn't feel all that secure in such an environment. I've been with my husband for almost 20 years, sharing pretty much everything with him, including my lousy outlook on the adoption "process." Personally, I think much of it stinks today. Twenty plus years ago, things were not so touchy feely but in today's world, everyone in the "biz" has a million suggestions on what's the best route of attack. Hmmmm.......thanks but no thanks. I have my own ideas about how my life is to be conducted. Again, super nice person but the "process" always gets me into a superkalafragalistic funk. Once that happened, mom and I went out on a shopping bender to Marshall's.

From 9am to noon, the three of us gathered in our dining room, laughing and talking about my marriage, our house and the introduction of a child into that equation. I must admit, I'm frightened out my mind yet excited at the same time. I'm readying myself for this little by little. I used to be the first one to jump in the water at summers start, but these days I'm a bit more cautious and smarter. I've never been a planner, that's the husbands part of the ying/yang partnership but for this, planning is a must. Vic joked and asked if we, "passed the test" and we all laughed aloud. Thinking about this experience as a test honestly annoyed me, but my mom always told me you have to go through all the crap in life to get to the good stuff. If I ever thought I was a touchy feely kind of gal, I realize that in this stage of my life, I am NOT. I love the ones I love and all the rest are held at arms length. I'm in safe mode in my 40's, hitting my stride as a writer and taking chances only when necessary.

Some people are born to be mom's while others are frightened little chippys (like myself) and need more than a push off the plank. I never dreamt of being a wife or a mother. I was a rough and tumble kid from the mean streets of Albany and was more concerned with a good game of Poisen Ball rather than fussing with dog gone dolls! Being married turned out to be more than a pleasant surprise, in fact its been the best damn thing in my life. It's given me continuity with a dash of ebb and flow. He is the partners of all partners and for that I am grateful and oh so relieved. No matter what happens with this, kid or no kid, I will always believe that we passed the test in more ways than one!

1 comment:

vic said...

I found it interesting to get asked questions about why I feel the way I do and how I would behave in certain situations. It is also funny how so many people have kids when they are not ready and in some cases are never ready and no entrance exam is required into that world of parenting. I look at many things in life as a test, sometimes you pass, sometimes you fail, and sometimes you don't care how you did, you are just glad it is over. Whether there are kids in the future is a decision made by a higher being. Whether we have kids or not is not going to change the way I view my life. I won't feel like a loser. I feel lucky to have a strong loving relationship with my wife, who is very much my best friend. I am lucky to have that, which so many people strive for and never have. Kids would be the icing, but they are not the whole cake.