Thursday, April 15, 2010

Mixed Bag Rantings

I tried to do the right thing but how come they didn't? They're the ones who are supposed to know better yet they chose to think about their own asses first rather than what was better for the greater good. Maybe Timothy Leary, in all his infinite acid laced wisdom, had the right idea to drop out. It's hard being part of something you just don't believe in any longer. I read a quote at the end of some ones email today and it said something about not doing things for the money but to save your soul. I used to dream about being a hippie poet on the beach in Malibu, smoking 12o's and waxing about existential thoughts. I spent most of my summer's barefoot in Cape May nursing chapped lips from kissing random guys in bars and further destroying my fragile liver with any libation that rocked my world. Dollar 'Rocks at the King Eddie has been traded up for $10 glasses of Shiraz at the Brown Room. I sip rather than glug. I nibble at the snack treats rather than inhale the stale Pepperidge Farms pretzel mix at the Chalfonte that I used to think was gourmet! I was a poser of sorts back then trying to balance everyday life with the endless rantings in my head. Is that the life of a writer? Do we hear voices? I remember everything and everyone from my past. I remember distinct conversations that still haunt me. What am I supposed to do with this information? For God's sake, I still remember the damn department codes from Caldor and secretly kept and old wannabee boyfriends name tag. I have it in a box on my dresser. I thought he was the love of my love but all it was...was a whole lot of nothing. Unrequited love sucks. Once you really fall in love, you can tell the difference in a million different ways. After almost 15 years of marriage, I'm just so excited that I get to spend everyday of my life with my best friend and lover. All those other asses that used and abused me, can piss off. Am I still bitter...hmmm...good question. All I know is that you have to go through all the a-holes to get to the good stuff...and boy, I got me some really good stuff! Maybe I'll throw that name tag out. I just don't want it anymore. I think a YaYa Sisterhood ceremony is in order! Any takers?

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