Transitions

I suppose we all head down this road at some point in our lives, yet we are sorely unprepared for the dreaded mid-life crisis. I choke on my own spit to admit that I am a very young 43 and haven't fallen into the multitude of monetary trappings that engulf most Gen X'ers. I'm still searching for something but I'm not quite sure what that "something" really is or if it even exits. I think I must have been born under an odd, out of place star, that guides me into strange and often confusing places and events. My life has never been boring although I have fallen into ruts and secretly embrace tiny bouts of depression from time to time. Currently, I'm in a state of flux mostly due to my foolish weight gain as a result of my bereft year and of course career issues. It is not my lot in life to push papers and wear suits. I'm the antithesis of corporate. I despise corporate. I'm the product of a working class family with huge aspirations for myself but none of them included the trappings of following "company policy." I can be pragmatic when needed but for the most part, I'm a dreamer, a writer, a lover and a friend. A few weeks ago, I allowed a stick in a suit to intimidate me and exercise her perfect drawl in the language of condescension. She blocked me from tea, looked me up and down and judged me. So I look like a hippie professor or a funky chick from the city but by no means am I a leper. I was off my game that day. It blind sided me to be honest. I was devastated for a moment but then I realized what kind of person she must be. Insecure, pathetic and a follower would clearly define this woman. It's sad but hey, it's Long Island. People here look through you and once they surmise they've no use for you, they move on to the next victim. I'm better than that. If there is one thing I've learned in 15 years of helping others, it's compassion. It doesn't cost a thing to smile or help a stranger. Everyone is so caught up in their own minutia that they can't see past it. When did the helper become the punisher? Isn't that one conundrum we'd all like to figure out.